Oh, Korea...

It's been over a week since my visit to Severance Hospital in Seoul...

Time for my second.

Today was my appointment with Professor of Neurology, Yang-Jae Cho. Would I get any answers?....

Here's how the conversation went, as soon as I sat down...

Pf. Cho: "Dooly Lion? May I call you Dooly, or Mr. Lion?"

Me: "Um...either one works"

Pf. Cho: "Okay, Mr. Lion. Your test results came back negative. There is nothing more we can do for you. Have a nice day."

Me: "What the hell? Are you serious? I came all this way for you to tell me that? I clearly have something going on medically. If you can't figure it out, you need to send me to someone who will."

Pf. Cho: "I see you did not take an EEG. You take that, then come back and see me next week."

So, this tiny nurse comes in and takes me to another room. I lie on the bed and she begins attaching wires to my head. This seems like a bad time to realize that I really have to pee...

After getting all of the wires attached, she says "This will take 30 minutes. Go to sleep." then turns out the lights and sits at the computer.

I really had to pee.

So, I'm lying there with my eyes closed...holding my pee in with all I've got. After about 20 minutes, the door opens...2 doctors and the professor enter the room. They are all huddled around the screen, talking loudly for having a "sleeping" patient in the room.

About 5 minutes go by...doctors leaving and entering the room...then the nurse "wakes me up."

She says "Open your eyes."

I do.

She then immediately says "Close your eyes"

I do.

As I close my eyes...I am attacked by strobe lights...directly in my face. Intense-ass strobe lights.

A few minutes of that goes by...and she tells me to open my eyes again.

I do.

Then immediately tells me to close them again.

Okay...fine.

After going back and forth with this for a few minutes, she turns the lights on and tells me to sit up. She pulls all of the wires off of my head and says "You go wash hair, then pay."

I didn't realize that they had stuck goop all over my head to attach the wires. If only I had my phone on me for that picture opportunity.

I was then guided into a restroom...complete with a hair washing sink like you see at the salon, right next to a dirty-ass toilet.

I sat there for a second...confused. Wondering how exactly am I going to wash my hair in this sink by myself without getting water EVERYWHERE. I poked my head out, looking to see if there was anyone coming to wash it for me...or at least give me a towel or 2 for the mess I was about to make.

I eventually got a towel and locked the door.

First, I tried to sit in the chair and lean back to rest my head on the sink. That didn't work. This chair was made for midgets. I smacked my head on the sink. Hard.

After I finally got situated in the chair to the point that my head was resting where it needed to be...I realized that I couldn't reach the nozzle. Son of a bitch.

So, I stood up...looked at the sink...and cursed it. I decided the only way to do this was to lean over the sink...and make a massive mess.

And I did.

Water everywhere.

After finally getting that crap out of my hair, I went to the counter and paid...then I went to McDonald's to drown my sadness in fat. I got the Shanghai Spice Chicken Sandwich. Yes please! That shit was good.

Anyway...I have to go back on Monday morning to talk to the Professor about my EEG results. Whatever he says...I will be returning to that McDonald's...and not washing my hair in that sink.

I'm hoping for some answers...but I doubt I will get any. That's how this works. I give them my money...then they torture me and send me home sad and confused.

Give Me Novocaine

What was supposed to be a fun Sunday night out for a coworker's last night in Korea...turned into this...

After work let out, we all hopped on the 2200 into Seoul for a nice dinner at a Bulgarian restaurant. The bus driver was driving like a total asshole...which is nothing new in Korea.

About 20 minutes into the ride...I was nearly asleep with my iPod in when my finger tips started to go numb on both hands. I knew what was about to happen, as I have experienced this twice before...

The numbness quickly spread down to the rest of my hands...then the muscles in my hands began seizing up...my fingers stiffened and curled into a claw-like shape. The stiffness in my hands spread all the way down my arms, pulling my elbows in toward my body. All of the muscles in my arms were rock hard...in the least sexy way imaginable.

I then started to feel numbness in my face...from my temples down to my jaw. The muscles around my jaw and mouth began to stiffen...causing my mouth to pucker...again...not sexy.

The numbness/stiffness spread all the way down my neck...into my shoulders...into my abdomen region...and all the way down to my toes. I was basically paralyzed for a good 10 minutes.

Luckily, I was sitting close to a friend who knew exactly what was going on. As soon as I felt my finger tips go numb, I called over to Paul and said "It's happening"...showing him my hands as they began to deform into claws. Laura, who was sitting next to me, kept me calm as she massaged the muscles in my hands and got me some water. Between my rapid breaths and puckered mouth, I told Laura I needed to go to the hospital. Khristy looked up hospital info on her phone right away. Everyone around me was trying to help in any way possible. Basically...I have really great friends here and I'm lucky to have them around.

By the time we got into Seoul and off the bus, I had started feeling slightly better. I could move my fingers and walk on my own...but I was shaking like Muhammad Ali.

Paul and Kyle got me in a cab and took me to the hospital. What an experience that was...

First of all...with all of the face masks you see in Korea to prevent sickness or whatever the hell they wear them for...you would expect to see more of them in a hospital waiting room.

Nope.

Not one.

Just a bunch of sick-ass Koreans hocking up their lungs all over that room.

Second of all...I have never had the experience of pay-as-you-go treatment. It was like a fucking McDonald's. Before I could be seen in the ER, I had to pay a 50,000 Won ER fee. It was more expensive because it was a Sunday night...or a "Holiday" as they call it.

After that, I was taken back into the ER for blood work and stuff like that. This place was like a Vietnam War hospital tent. I was sat in a bed right next to an old lady with breathing tubes down her nose...she didn't look like she was going to make it. They didn't even have a curtain separating us for most of the time. After the IV was put into my right arm and blood was drawn...I was told I would need to take a CT Scan...or a "shitty scan" as the Koreans pronounce it.

BUT...before I could get that done...I had to wheel my IV up to the front counter and pay 100,000 Won to get the Shitty Scan.

After all of this, my results all came back negative. All of my blood work was normal and healthy and my shitty scan showed no irregularities.

Now...this is where the shoulder-less intern comes in. And hilarity and frustration ensue.

This man has the smallest frame in the history of people. That's saying something, coming from me.

After asking a round of questions, he looked confused and said he was going to consult his "Senior"...which we were pretty sure that he was just typing things on WebMD.

He came back...asked another series of questions...and went to consult his "Senior" again.

After a few trips back and forth, his frustration started mounting. He had no idea what was happening to my body. He would ask questions...I would answer them...then he would hang his head and walk away. This happened at least 8 times before his "Senior" finally came over to ask questions.

I want to be friends with her. She was hot....and rich...and smart. She was the Senior Hot Neurologist.

But she was just as baffled as Dr. McNoshoulders.

She asked me how my "Anal Tone" was. I wasn't sure I heard her right...so I asked her to repeat herself...she said it again. I looked at Paul and Kyle...we were all holding back laughter. She then said "You know...anus?" Then made her hand into an anus shape. The three of us lost it. I told her I think my anal tone is normal. She didn't find it funny. Whatever.

After more questions and confused looks...more blood work was ordered.

One nurse came over and took blood from my left arm to check my muscle enzymes.

About 10 minutes later, another nurse came over to take blood from my main artery in my right wrist. I have never had this done before...and I NEVER want it to happen again. The guy stuck the needle in...and missed the artery. So, instead of taking it out and trying again...he dug around for a good 20 seconds. It was like the chest waxing scene from the 40 year old virgin. I'm pretty sure that whole hospital heard exactly how I felt as that son of a bitch dug around in my wrist. When I found out he had to do it again...I'm pretty sure I was cursing him like he had never been cursed before. That son of a bitch.

After more waiting...and questions...and confused faces...and anal tone jokes...the shoulder less intern appeared. After telling me multiple times throughout the night that what happened to me was not a seizure, he told me I needed to take an EEG test to check for a seizure. I couldn't afford to take a test for them to tell me exactly what they have been telling me all night, so I refused it. They said there was nothing else they could do for me and they have no idea what is wrong...and I was free to go...after I paid for the rest at the front counter.

I have an appointment next week to meet with the Professor of Neurology at the college linked with the hospital. Hopefully, he can at least guide me to someone who may have some answers for me.

I'm alright now. Just really sore...and thankful for my awesome friends here in Korea.

Here's hoping this doesn't happen again.

Rockin' in the Free World

Yeah, I know...I'm horrible at updating. Whatever.

I was in the process of making a "day in the life" video, when I found out Cameron was about to make one for the Edutainer website...so I figured I'd just use his. (Thanks, Cam!)

So, without further adieu:

Meet the Edutainers + A Day in the Life from GEV Edutainers on Vimeo.

I can't believe this is my job. I love it! Be jealous. It's okay. I understand.

What's My Age Again?

Wow, another update! I'm getting better at this, eh?


So, today...I'm going to talk a little about food and health care in Korea. So prepare to be hungry and angry after reading this.

The food here is really good, for the most part. I still can't get behind the Kimchi...but other than that, I'm doing okay.

My favorite meal here is actually not Korean at all. It's a Japanese meal called Shabu Shabu. It's a spicy soup that is boiled at the table in front of you, with vegetables, potatoes, and thick noodles. You take thin slices of raw beef and cook it right in the pot. The meat takes about 5 seconds to cook. The direct translation of Shabu Shabu is "Swish Swish"...the sound it makes when you dip your meat in the broth with your chopsticks....that sounds dirty. Anyway...the soup is awesome and they make some bangin' fried rice at the table when your Shabu is gone.

This is Carrie and I eating Shabu. Be jealous.

Another one of my favorites here is another soup. Haejangguk. Also known as "The Hangover Soup." I have yet to try it as a hangover cure because I just recently discovered it...but it's delicious. I'll admit...when I heard what it is, I was a little nervous to try it. It's a spicy beef broth with cabbage, chives, and pig spine. That's right...pig spine. You have to tear the meat off of the vertebrae and get rid of the bones before you put it back in the soup. It takes some work, but it's worth it. So flavorful...so weird.

Those are just a few of my favorites at the moment. I guess it's the cold weather. I could tell you about more, but I don't want to bore you. Plus, I'm on some pain medication, so I can't focus enough to tell you about it all.

I can tell you, however...that the pizza has corn on it...and it is sometimes green. So that's weird.

Cooking here can be interesting in our tiny rooms with our hot plates...but there is a Costco, which is awesome. A friend of mine here says "It's just like Costco in the States, except nobody says excuse me before they hurt you." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now onto the health care in Korea.

I strained a muscle in my back last week during a show. It's pretty bad, so I figured I'd go to the doctor and get some meds and stuff for the pain. I was in for a nice surprise.

They gave me an X-Ray...which was stupid considering I knew it was a muscle issue...not a bone issue. That's what happens when nobody knows what you're saying. After they told me I don't have a broken back, just a severely strained muscle...they prescribed me some happy pills and a shot in the ass for the pain. It felt like the nurse just wound up and punched me right in the left ass cheek. Felt like a Charley Horse....until the medication went through me....then I couldn't feel feelings.

So, I go to pay...totally expecting to be charged out the ass.

My bill; including Doctors visit, x-rays, pain medication ass injection = 9,600 Won...roughly $9 USD.

My prescription; including four different pills three times a day for 4 days...pain medication and muscle relaxers = 4,000 Won...roughly $3.50 USD.

They also prescribed Physical Therapy. 8,000 Won a session....roughly $7 USD.

If I were to go to the doctor back home, I would be charged almost $150 just to SEE the doctor. He could literally walk in the room and look at me with his stupid overly priced eyes...walk out of the room without saying anything...and charge me $150.

My hospital bill from when I was in the hospital overnight back in August was close to $15,000.

$15,000!!!

Kiss my bean bag, America. I might stay in Korea just for the health care alone. At least I know that if I have some medical issues, I will be able to afford to eat afterward.


Okay...my rant is done. Now, I leave you with this hilarious item on the shelves at the Pharmacy here in Paju.

Cock Swab

My next post will come next week. It will be my first video blog! I'll take you through a typical day at work as an edutainer at EV. Don't get too excited.

Auld Lang Syne

Okay, so remember how I planned on updating this blog like...once a week or so?

Once every five months isn't so bad...right?

Alright, it's bad. My new year's resolution is to update this more often. Also, I will make my first million. Will either of them happen? Probably not.

2011 was an interesting year. It started off with a move to New York City on January 1st. I got a job at Starbucks on 51st and Broadway, froze my balls off, and blew through all of my money...thanks to my student loans and paying rent in Manhattan. It wasn't a total waste though. I met some great people, made some good contacts in the theatre industry, and had some good callbacks.

In February, I blew a huge audition in Memphis. 90 seconds to audition for 90 different theatre companies, and I had the worst audition of my life. Shit happens.

In March, I couldn't afford NYC anymore, so I moved back home to Erie...where I have amazing family and friends. I am fortunate to have a friend who let me crash in his spare bedroom for nearly 6 months....after I told him it would only be 2 or 3 months.

While in Erie, I had my amazing friends that I already knew...but I also made some great new friends while working at Starbucks, the Achievement Center, and DJing at the Sloppy Duck. New friends and fun jobs are good. That seems to be my theme for 2011. Fun Jobs and Fun Friends. And Beer.

The fun jobs and new friends didn't stop there...in August, I moved to Paju, South Korea where I am writing, developing, directing, and performing in original ESL musicals for children. My coworkers are all amazing people, my job is insanely awesome...and I live in Korea, making good money and not paying rent.

So...that's my 2011. Got off to a rocky start...ended up being pretty awesome.

What's up, 2012?

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

Oh wait...that's a different country.

Anyway...I made it. I'm finally in Paju, South Korea!

I left early Monday morning. 4am to be exact. Mom drove me 2 hours to the Cleveland airport where I had to wait about 3 hours to depart. From there, it was almost a 5 hour flight to LAX. After arriving at LAX, my boarding pass from LA-Seoul did not have a departure gate, so I had to run around that massive, stupid airport for almost an hour to find Asiana Airlines and go through security again.

Sidebar: What's the deal with the new TSA hand check? They rub your fingers with a cloth...what?

Anyway, I finally got through security and into my terminal. I was starving and was hoping to have something delicious as my last meal in the US for a year...turns out, the only "restaurant" in the terminal was a terrible sausage sandwich joint. It made me sad.

After getting on the plane, I get situated...and I have a window seat...with nobody sitting directly next to me for a 13 hour flight...That definitely made up for my sad sausage sandwich finale.

RANT: Asiana Airlines flight attendants trump any flight attendants in the US. Ever. I've seen so many dumpy, cross-eyed, middle-aged women on US flights that treat people like shit. Every single one on this flight was young, Asian, and extremely attractive. And nice. I didn't have a clue what the were saying half the time...but it seemed nice. So that's really all that matters. At least pretend to be nice...Which is hardly the case with the dumpy, cross-eyed, middle-aged hags on US flights. Ok, done.

I had a hard time sleeping on the flight. There was a screaming baby for most of the 13 hours, so I ended up watching Kung-Fu Panda 2...Inside the Actor's Studio with Sean Combs....A bio on Justin Timberlake...and a really weird Korean drama.

While flying over Japan, I happened to wake up from a short nap to look out the window and see the top of Mt. Fuji. It was incredible. My camera was away, so I didn't get a shot of it.

After arriving in Seoul, I went through Customs, got my bags, found the little Korean man holding a sign with my name on it...then exchanged currency. 10,000 Won is equal to about 1 USD. I now have well over a million won. I'm rich.

As we start driving toward Paju, I realize this may be my final cab ride...because this man was driving like an insane little asshole. Weaving in and out of traffic going about 95 MPH. I wanted to get a picture of the incredible sunset over the mountains across the Yellow Sea...but I was too afraid of being ejected from the vehicle...that didn't have seat belts.

I eventually made it safely to my home for the next year. Gyeonggi English Village in Paju, South Korea

The people I work with are all incredibly talented, helpful, and generous people. I know this is going to be a good year.

My body has not yet adjusted to the time change or the long trip, so I will end this entry for now. I will leave you with a few more pictures from the Village. More pictures to come!

안녕히 주무세요!

This one is so racist. And hilarious.

The Final Countdown

I guess by the title and name of my blog, this may look like it's all about 80's rock...it's not. If you're disappointed, I understand...I mean, 80's rock does kick ass.

Anyway...

For those of you that don't already know, my time is running out here in the States. In less than a month, I will be on my way to Paju, South Korea for a full year...so if you want to see me before then, let's make plans now.

I will be working at Gyeonggi English Village in Paju, which is about an hour and a half North of Seoul. My job title is "Edutainer" which basically means myself, and a team of other edutainers will be writing, developing, directing, and performing in musicals to help Koreans develop English as a second language. If you want to know more about my job, watch the video below.

So... You Want to Be an Edutainer? from GEV Edutainers on Vimeo.

I plan on having about a week-long going away bash here in Erie. I also plan on visiting friends in New York before I take off. As of right now, I'm scheduled to leave August 14th. If I get my last bit of paperwork in the mail early enough and my visa stuff gets taken care of before then, that date could be bumped up. I guess we'll see what happens.